


impermanence

by orphan_account



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Exes, Hook-Up, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, can count as a drabble, lapslock, like really really implied sexual content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-01
Updated: 2019-05-01
Packaged: 2020-02-10 22:42:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18669844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: the night is their only witness.





	impermanence

it's dangerous this game they caught themselves in. this constant back and forth of closing and reopening wounds. this burning of bridges built underneath the warmth of rumpled sheets and tendrils of moonlight through half opened blinds. jaemin knows this deep in his heart, or what’s left of it, rather. it’s what plagues his mind as he lays in bed, comforter barely covering his torso, the cold night breeze kissing the bruises blooming on his skin. it triggers the onslaught of what-ifs and if-onlys, every thought leaving an acrid taste on his tongue and a knot in the pit of his stomach. 

it’s wrong, what they’re doing but jaemin can’t help but disregard the guilt when he twists in bed, hooded eyes locking onto the lithe body sleeping soundly beside him. the best kind of tired pulling on his features. his breaths coming out in even puffs. crimson and blue leave trails on his arms, lips, chest, and wrists; marks branding him as jaemin’s just for the night.

when he’s sleeping like this, head finding purchase beneath jaemin’s chin, kiss swollen lips brushing ever so often on his collarbones, and a curled fist rising and falling in synch with his every breath, jaemin can pretend that all is well. renjun is still his and he renjun’s.

and so he does. he wraps a careful arm over the smaller boy, pulling him impossibly closer, skin meeting skin. it burns jaemin in the worst way. contact like this is different when they’re at the mercy of their carnal desires—when jaemin has renjun’s neck underneath his palm. when he has him underneath, breaths coming out in sharp intakes, fingernails digging deep into his back making blood break through the delicate flesh. it’s different from when renjun gets overwhelmed, burying his face into the crook of jaemin’s neck and the latter gripping the back of his head to keep it in place. it’s all different when there’s no haze of lust clouding his mind because now, it’s him, all him. and yet he takes the burn, holding onto renjun despite of it because he’s selfish that way.

as night slowly melts into dawn, jaemin basks in the feel of him. the scent of him. he keeps renjun in his hold, counting the marks on his neck as he would with the stars dotting the sky. he indulges, tracing the delicate arch of his back,the outline of his spine before cupping his neck. he leaves kisses to the crown of his head, each press holding a message that will never reach the older’s ears. and when dawn bleeds into twilight, jaemin whispers i love you still before quietly slipping away, gathering his clothes, and leaving without looking back. 

if only he did, he would’ve seen the way renjun sits up, lip catching on his teeth, and heart growing heavy as he chokes on the words _don’t go_.


End file.
